www.sunrayedu.com
1.作文题目
Some say that government should stop supporting the professional sports activities and the cultural performances, and instead begin supporting schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts. What is your opinion?
2.学生作文
As a result of more and more schools which are aware of the importance of arts and sports, some people claim that government should ban professional sports events and cultural performances. Personally, I find this view is ill-founded.
Admittedly, holding the sports activities and the cultural performance, government will allocate more money into entertainment and it is considered to be indispensable for individuals to participate in, comparing with other fields such as schooling. Some people are opposed to supporting the professional sports activities and cultural performances based on the above view.
However, a country holding physical events and cultural performances could attract many international tourists and drive the economic development for one’ country. In addition to this, cultural performances considered as a cultural bridge could create a connection between participants and help individuals to have a rough picture of other races or countries.
on the other hand, there are also arguments in favor of sports and arts
www.sunrayedu.com
involvement for children. Specifically, if sports and arts are integrated into schooling at an early age, it builds a foundation for children’ physique and growth, which means that TV programmes or video games will no longer become the only after-school activities. Moreover, arts and sports could develop children’s artistic skills and athletic abilities. Take arts courses as example, it helps children to understand and appreciate the arts and engage in meaningful art-making.
In conclusion, government should support the professional sports activities for the sake of boosting tourism. At the same time, government should support schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts.
3.老师批改
文中标识：
用词不当 逻辑错误 语法错误 修改添加
para1: introduction 介绍
As a result of more and more schools which are aware of the importance of arts and sports, some people claim that government should ban professional sports events and cultural performances. （这里没有因果关系，再好好思考一下）Arts and sports play an essential component in the development of a country. Personally, I find this view is ill-founded, and I will explain the benefits of those
www.sunrayedu.com
activities for the growth of both a nation and young children. （同意？还是不同意？最好在一开始就给出，然后倾向的一边最好多写一点。）
para 2: 不同意stop supporting the professional sports
However, a country holding physical events and cultural performances could attract many international tourists and drive the economic development for one’ country. In addition to this, cultural performances are considered as a cultural bridge that could create a connection between participants from different cultural background and help individuals to have a rough picture of other races or countries.
Admittedly,（这句话让步？why？） holding the sports activities and the some cultural performance, government will allocate more money into entertainment and it is considered to be indispensable for individuals to participate in, comparing with other fields such as schooling. （这里后面没看懂？)
（每个段落开头一定先给出你的主要观点，然后再做解释）
para 3: 同意stop supporting the professional sports
Some people are opposed to （oppose / resist ）supporting the professional sports activities and cultural performances based on the above view of a waste of national incomes. Since once the government intend to hold any sports activates and cultural performance, it costs a great deal of money. However, it is essential
www.sunrayedu.com
to support young children in sports and arts for exploring their natural talent. In many countries, children are organized and encouraged to take part in sports and art activities. This tends to make children discover their true potential and help their brain development.
para 4: 同意 government supporting schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts
On the other hand, there are also arguments in favor of sports and arts involvement for children. Specifically, if sports and arts are integrated into schooling at an early age, it builds a foundation for children’ physique and personal growth, which means that TV programmes or video games will no longer become the only after-school activities. Moreover, arts and sports could develop children’s artistic skills and athletic abilities. Take arts courses as example, it helps children to understand and appreciate the arts and engage in meaningful art making.
In conclusion, government should support the professional sports activities for the sake of boosting tourism. At the same time, government should support schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts.
4.总评
批改By Angela
www.sunrayedu.com
本次批改严格按照IELTS大作文评分标准进行。IELTS大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。
总评 5.5 （TR5.5 CC5.5 LR6 GRA5.5）
1. 文章结构有些混乱。仔细看给出的建议para1-introduction/para2.。。
2. 词汇运用一般，换词较少, 用词不够准确， 务必确定单词的意思， 以及这些词汇的搭配（e.g. physique）。
论证方面：本文论证不太清晰， (同意？还是不同意？最好在一开始就给出，然后倾向的一边最好多写一点。)
3. )需要更多相关的观点和解释。
4. 没有太多明显的语法错误，但是可以再尝试多用一些从句，来短时间提升语法分数。注意一些连接词的含义，尽量准确使用它们。
作文范文：
Recently, some people call for the government to stop supporting professional sports activities and cultural performances and instead begin supporting sports and arts at school. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, it is neither sensible nor practical to do so.
www.sunrayedu.com
Admittedly, professional sports activities and cultural performances bear some cost. However, they are worth the money considering the benefits they bring. In terms of the tangible benefits, better sports activities and cultural performances ca become a source of income, since they can propel the development of the tourist industry. With regard to the intangible ones, they can grace the national image and improve the national solidarity, which is of great value to a country. Therefore, it will be insensible to stop funding the professional sports activities and cultural performances.
In terms of the idea of supporting amateur sports and arts at school, I strongly doubt about its effectiveness in encouraging the development of sports and arts. Students live in the real world, facing the actual need to find a job and make a living. If sports and arts fail to guarantee them a professional job, then who would be bothered to take up sports and arts in the first place? Even though some sports and arts enthusiasts may plan to stick to their hobbies, they will finally yield to the urgent need to make money by taking up a job in other specialized fields. And eventually, their interests in sports and arts die out in their busy lives.
In conclusion, it is by no means a waste of money to support professional sports activities and cultural performances considering the tangible and intangible benefits they can bring to us. Moreover, only encouraging arts and sports at school fail to achieve the goal of promoting the development of arts and sports industry as a whole.
